Our latest 10 Questions for South Africans interview is with Tracy Engelbrecht, author of ''The Girl Who Couldn''t Say No", based on her own experiences as a teenage mother in South Africa, and founder of a Young Moms'' Support Group.
10 Questions for Tracy Engelbrecht
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| Teen Mom Tracy with Conor |
1. What place (in SA) do you call home, and why?
I live in Simonstown, always have. Went to school in Fish Hoek and although the small town “valley” mindset is sometimes a little restrictive, I do need my mountains and my sea and yes, even the wind. Being away from the combination of all three always leaves me claustrophobic and headachey.
2. Favourite place to have breakfast close to where you live?
Anywhere I’m not required to eat eggs. Can’t abide them. Seriously, there are so many beautiful places on my side of the world. Love Simonstown & Kalk Bay, Cape Point & Silvermine picnics make me happy.
3. You’re a published author of The Girl Who Couldn’t Say No – based on your own experiences as a teenage mother. What was it like being a young, single mom in South Africa?
Not as hard for me as it was – and still is – for thousands of other young women out there, even still today. In fact, despite the fact that attitudes towards “unmarried mothers” are meant to have relaxed over the years, to me it feels like there’s a recent backlash against young or teen mothers, accusations of neglect and abuse of child support grants and so on. Ignorant people flinging generalisations around, sure, but I think it has made it harder for the “good moms”. That wasn’t such a problem in my day. It was just a juicy scandal, not necessarily a political issue.
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| Cover of Tracy''s book |
I had family support; I had a roof over my head and a safe place to raise my child. I had access to education, I had options. I had choices. I wasn’t in an abusive or unhealthy relationship that limited my options or endangered my wellbeing. I had it easy, compared to those circumstances. But sure, it was hard work. Parenting always is. The ginormous chip on my shoulder and constant need to prove to the world that I was a good mother despite my age (15) made it that much harder. That was my own fault though – I should have learnt to ignore the judgemental types much sooner than I did.
4. You recently started a support group for other young moms in Cape Town. Tell us about the group.
I’ve always secretly wanted to “Do Something Good” – but have always had a million reasons why I couldn’t: no time, no money, no expertise, who wants to hear what I have to say… One day last year I just thought – screw it, I’m gonna do it. So I picked up the phone and began calling clinics and schools in my area to find out if such a group existed. Apparently not. There are organisations dealing with crisis pregnancy, with family planning education, professional counsellors for mothers in serious dire straits. But nothing for the “ordinary”, if young, mom who doesn’t see herself as needing “intervention” but still needs a place where she can be with other moms who get her. As a teen mom, your priorities change. Your own friends are not necessarily going to understand your new lifestyle. Loneliness, especially if there is little family around, can turn into desperation, depression etc. Bad for mom and bad for baby. Happy mothers are better for their children.
At present we meet around once a month on a Saturday morning at False Bay Hospital in Fish Hoek. I’ve had great fun getting to meet the moms and their gorgeous children. We’ve had a great laugh and strangers have left as friends. Although I always knew it to be true, our meetings have truly brought home to me the fact that mothers of all ages, cultures and backgrounds want the same thing – the best for their children.
I’m funding our meetings myself at present, but will always be grateful for contributions towards the venue hire, refreshments cost and also donations of baby essentials which we can distribute.
For details of our next meeting:
- Email: tracy@tracyengelbrecht.com
- Cell: 0729863105
- Website: http://tracyengelbrecht.com
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| One of the first Young Mom Support Group meetings at False Bay Hospital |
5. What inspires you – as a writer, in life and in work?
In life, it’s curiosity. I’m always questioning, learning, trying to figure things out. My last words are likely to be “hey, what does this button do?” And trying to do right, I guess. In writing, it’s not so much inspiration as a stomach-churning, sweaty desperation to get those noisy words out of my head in the correct order as soon as possible – spilling out on to the page (screen) in a pleasing and orderly fashion, like lemmings, but… not. Oh dear, I sound a bit odd now, right? Never mind, leave it in, honesty the best policy and all that.
6. Who is your South African hero, and why?
Hero is such a funny concept. I don’t have heroes. I have plenty of people I admire, both famous and not, for their talent, personality, wisdom, kindness, strength, beauty, experience, whatever. But people are too fallible, too human, too wobbly to stay up on those pedestals, no matter how much we might want them to. If I focus on the individual reason I admire the person, then my world isn’t shaken to the core and I’m not moved to write angry letters about moral responsibility to the paper when my hero makes dubious personal choices.
But then, that’s just me. I’m odd, remember?
7. Share with us about your best ever South African holiday or travelling experience. (Focus on the area rather than the accommodation)
Mini-holidays to Knysna when the children were younger – the build-up, the preparation, the early starts, the bilious car-sickness brought on by excitement and too much padkos (and that was just me). And seeing a new place through their eyes. Haven’t done it in a while – really should again.
8. What South African destination is still on your dream travel list (and why)?
For me, geography always goes along with history. I’m a huge genealogy freak, so wherever I go, I’m trying to get a sense of who lived there before, what their lives were like. Goosebumps and tingles, especially if I know that a person I’m researching once walked on this ground or lived in this house. For this reason I’d love to spend more time exploring Franschhoek, Swellendam, Uitenhage, and also the older parts of Cape Town itself.
9.Are you planning on writing any more books? Was your first book a form of therapy or do you see yourself as a writer with more stories to tell?
I do have more stories to tell, more words to spit out. Exactly what they are – I don’t know just yet. The first book was maybe a form of therapy – some were harder to write than others and I was having done it, I did feel better.
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| Tracy with two of the Young Moms (and one of the babies :-)) |
10. Do you think the SA government does enough to help young, single mothers? What (more) do you think they could / should do?
The problems that face young, single (and even not-single) mothers are not necessarily caused by government, and probably can’t be fixed by government. The big issues of poverty, unemployment, sexual equality and autonomy, access to education and healthcare affect everybody, not just young moms. Government is supposed to sort that stuff out, yes. Are they? Can they? I don’t know. The other things which affect young moms specifically are, among others, the lack of good quality, affordable childcare so they can go back to school or work, the judgemental and unpleasant attitudes of some community members and people in charge, which leave many moms feeling unworthy and unwilling to reach out for help when they need it. Government can’t legislate good manners, kindness or general human respect, unfortunately. Changing those attitudes towards moms who ARE doing their best is up to us.
About Tracy Engelbrecht
I’m a reader, a writer, a thinker, a mom (of 1x 16 year old son and 1x 9 year old daughter). Once upon a time teenage mom, I’m now ancient and boring, but I do still love me some Phineas & Ferb. I like long walks on the beach and good red wine and I’m bubbly and have a great sense of humour and and and … wait, hang on, it’s not that kind of bio. Sorry. Look, I’m just Tracy, once ''The Girl Who Couldn’t Say No'', nowadays more likely to be the mom who says no a lot.
Find me here: